My abuser didn’t win

Photo by Anete Lusina from Pexels

Emotional and mental abuse is one of the most difficult things to heal from, a black eye fades to nothing eventually, but believing you’re as worthless as your partner says, that leaves scars.

So hears a few things i learnt from my abuse.

Have at least one trusted friend.

I know it is not easy to open up, but having at least one person who knows the situation is essential. Even if you only meet once a week for coffee. Having someone you can go to makes a difference.

Trust your gut.

Every gut feeling you get is a sign. Trust the vibes you feel. If something feels off, don’t ignore it.

Be patient.

By this i don’t mean being patient with your abuser. Be patient with yourself. So you can leave when it is safe to do so. Don’t put yourself at risk of physical abuse.

Remember who you are.

An abuser will always try and convince you that you are the problem. I used to think i was going crazy. Time and time again i was told i had done something wrong. Everything they had done to me, was twisted and warped. People were told I had done all these horrible things. I even started to believe it was true. None of it was!

When you see an opportunity, take it.

If they break up with you for the 20th time, for something they blame you for. If they leave for days on end, or if you simply feel stronger and empowered that day. Take the chance to leave them. I know it’s easier said than done, even ending a bad relationship hurts. I forgave my ex twice for cheating on me, because i was made to believe I deserved it. I believed I wasn’t good enough for her. She always played a game, that ended with me pleading for her to stay. However the last time she told me she was leaving, I felt a wave of calm wash over me. I was free. I didn’t try and stop her. She of course still tried to play games. But I no longer danced to her tune.

As I said at the start of this. Emotional and mental abuse leaves scars. The healing process took a long time. Even today I carry some of that baggage. However, I have amazing family and friends, and a wonderful partner. They make the baggage a little lighter.

Give yourself time to heal. Learn how to love yourself again.